


you can't wake up, this is not a dream

by chaara



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, especially blurry chara and frisk, i have a lot of feelings about these two, someone protect them, spoilers for no mercy and pacifist routes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 03:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5728504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaara/pseuds/chaara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>chara and frisk are never quite sure who's actually in control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can't wake up, this is not a dream

**Author's Note:**

> so this is the first fic i've ever actually finished and edited so here you go enjoy some chara and frisk sads

It's not like you haven't done it before. A quick slash of a knife here, teeth crunching cleanly through the flesh of the mouth there-but when you're on your knees, sobbing, Toriel's dust shimmering on your hands, you hack at your arms until you slide through the reset.  


When you wake, you tug your sleeves down (why is there purple and blue? there should be green and yellow-no, it's always been purple and blue-always-) and wrap your bandage around a jagged cut that is peeking, red and angry, out of the top of your sleeve.  


This time, you spare Toriel, and when you step into Snowdin the taste of butterscotch-cinnamon still lingers on your tongue.  


When the short skeleton's whoopee cushion sounds loud through the still, clear air of the forest, you want to laugh. No, not you-it's not you, you can feel _their_ separate presence-and finally part of you tries to smile. ( _you_ don't want to, so you fight against it. your mouth twists in a kind of grimace.)  


When the skeleton continues with his speech, ignoring your strange expression, you realise you've heard it before. ( _i'm sans. sans the skeleton,_ you mouth before he can get the words out, and he shoots you a strange look) No-you've never seen him before, how could you-  


Each word is at once a surprise and as familiar as the twisting halls of Toriel's house. Your brain (brains?) are writhing in agony. How can you remember what is only now happening?  


RESET  


This time, you cut down everything in your path, hacking with the little plastic knife until there's nothing left to stab. Toriel pretends not to notice the sparkling footprints you track into the house, and when your voice slips out, calm and eerie (where are the knives) she doesn't respond.  
When you attack her, cleanly splitting her SOUL, she is surprised. But she should know you-she knows you, she should've seen what was coming-you've never seen her before.  


You cut your way through Papyrus-your arms reach out for his accepting hug, only to slice through his bones with your knife. Who did that? Which of you...  
There is only one of you.  


Undyne's spear sinks, _crunch_ , through your chest. Agony, blazing pain, you can see blood on your fingers-  


RESET  


You spare Toriel. Her arms wrap around you and hold you tight, and you feel the weight of your guilt like a heavy stone.  


You spare Papyrus, too. He's so kind to you-his loud, booming voice surrounds you like a blanket, and you think that even if you wanted to, you wouldn't be able to kill him. You don't even attack, this time-you let him put you in his shed, over and over, until finally he gives up and lets you go.  


Sans still doesn't trust you-you can see it in his eyes, the way his gaze sharpens whenever you're around his brother. You want him to trust you. _No!_ He shouldn't trust you, of all people. He has to be there to stop you if you start killing again- _why would we want him to stop us?_  


The thought is from one of you, very clearly. You shiver, your body shaking as hatred-not your own, some other creature's nameless fury-presses against your body. You fall to the ground, hands slamming into the ground and instantly growing wet with melted snow. A memory flashes-you reach out for a hug from someone (you used to trust them) and instead the slap knocks you back a few feet.  


The hatred is from both of you now (your teacher is asking about the stunning bruise on your left cheekbone) and you smash your hand into a rock, feeling your bones splinter-  


RESET  


Undyne is showing you how to make spaghetti, her arm muscles straining as she whips the whisk through the pot. Then she hands it to you, and when she yells for you to stir faster, you grin up at her. She's smiling, too, and bright, warm happiness clouds your brain (both of your brains.) You feel yourself start to blend together.  


It only lasts for a few more minutes, right up until Undyne's house catches fire. Immediately you split, terror consuming you (she's going to kill you she's going to kill you she's a n g r y) and you can already feel her spear's sharp point pinning you to the ground.  


You thrust your hands into the flames-it has to be yours, the pain has to be yours, nobody else can control it ever again-  


RESET  


Your hands are charred when you wake up. Toriel exclaims and soothes and heals and you stare at the ground, thinking about how her dust looked that one time, so shiny on the ground.  


You make it as far as the last hall, this time. Sans confronts you (you feel a phantom pain stabbing through your chest, but shake it away.) He tells you to look inside yourself. He asks if you're worthy. You aren't, and no matter how many times you reset, you never will be. (you feel your sins crawling on your back) Something in your chest shivers, and you collapse on the floor, the things on your face so unfamiliar that it takes you a bit to realise that they're tears. The other part of you knows their feeling intimately, and so you press your hands to your face and sob.  


Sans crouches next to you, and asks what's wrong. There's a hint of worry in his voice (why is he worried about you? why does he care? you've killed him, you've killed his brother-you've killed them all, over and over and over-haven't you?)  


You spill out what you've done and wait for him to kill you. The memory floods back-you know exactly what it's like to have bones split open your skull, your stomach, your arms and legs. You blink. That's never happened.  


Sans doesn't kill you. Instead, he tells you that he can help. The hope is so improbable, so foreign-  


RESET  


When Sans shakes your hand, the pain in his eyes is obvious, but he recites his speech as usual (so much for wanting to help us, part of you spits silently) and you hate him for it.  


You don't- _can't_ hate anybody, though. (hatred is spears and bones and bombs and knives and you don't ever want to feel that again)  


This time, it's Asgore who undoes you. He is so familiar, yet so foreign to you. You know how it feels to hug him (his arms are furry and soft,) and yet here you are, watching as his trident cuts open your mercy box. He turns toward you and- pain pain pain painpainpain-you've seen it too many times, felt agony from _them_ too many times, and-  


RESET  


This time, you get past Asgore. The fear in the pit of your stomach has long since faded. (the trembling gratitude in his eyes when you spare him elicits no reaction from you either) Your blank eyes are watching him, but they've long since stopped registering his form.  


Then Flowey appears.  


Flowey, too, has stuck to his script, as faithful as anyone else here, and he doesn't change this time around, either. He spears Asgore's SOUL with his little bullets, and you just watch.You can't move-you're frozen to the ground. Your feel like your SOUL has been turned blue. As you stare at him, mockery spilling over you, you feel again a sensation of familiarity, just like with Asgore, just like with Toriel-  


_Asriel._  


It's a name, and then it's gone. You vaguely hear Flowey telling you to get back here without killing anyone, and he'll spare Asgore (why isn't he sticking to his script? no one has changed before.) 

RESET (flowey resets you this time, and as he does, the name- _asriel_ -slips through the grasping tendrils of your mind once more, and then fades.)  


You don't kill anyone, like Flowey told you to. You're curious-nothing ever changes, after all, so why was the last timeline different?  


When you defeat Asgore, there is no sign of Flowey, and you're relieved-maybe you've saved everyone this time, that's never happened before-but no, Flowey takes your friends, wraps them in thorny vines.  


When he begins pummeling you with wave after wave of bullets-you're relieved again. Maybe now, this can finally be over. Flowey says you're determined, but you're not, not anymore. There have been too many timelines for you to feel any hint of determination.  


Your friends deflect the attacks for you-Toriel, Papyrus, everyone pitching in to save you, and you're so tired-so weary of this. Just let me die, you want to say, but you can't. You have to see this through.  


It's Asriel. Of course it is. When Flowey transforms you know it's him. The name, the shape, it's all familiar, and then your SOULs split and suddenly you're standing next to a human who looks almost exactly like you, except they're blue-purple, and you're green-yellow. The sudden clarity almost burns-it's just you and your thoughts, now. The other part of you is gone.  


But still, you're not surprised. Of course it would be Asriel who fixes you. Of course.  


He sees you-you can tell by the way his face changes, less godly and more the scared boy he really is, even as he attacks. The other human swings at him with their knife, tears pouring down their face. You don't stop them-mostly because you know he'll dodge it, and a little because as much as you love your best friend, the hum of betrayal is still stinging in you (how could he attack the two of you, now that you've split?)  


You don't move to help the other human attack, though. You don't have the (ha) determination to go that far.  


Asriel dodges the other human's blow easily, and slices at the human with a sword. Their SOUL splits, and you press your hands against it, letting your renewed determination flow into the tiny red heart.  


“But it refused,” you whisper, and step back.  


Asriel is faltering-the sight of you, and the other human's ease at dodging, it's wearing him down. It's not long after the other human saves the last of their friends before he lets out a cry of despair and starts blasting them with a solid beam of rainbow light. Your eyes widen, and with a little gasp you throw yourself in front of them. (you owe them that, at least.)  


Asriel is too caught up in his grief to notice you-he just keeps attacking. You let your SOUL cover the other human's, reducing the damage they take. It's pain like you've never felt before, trying to live instead of die, helping instead of letting everything fade (reset reset reset timeline after timeline,) but you struggle through.  


And finally Asriel stops and falls to his knees. The other human runs, staggering, to their friends (toriel catches them in a hug, and the sight feels like a knife twisting in your heart), and you go to Asriel. He looks over at you, his face streaked with tears, and whispers, "C-Chara?"  


You nod, a lump forming in your throat, and he stares at you like you might disappear if you look away. (maybe you would.) "Let's...let's finish this," you say, your voice catching on the unfamiliar sounds (how long has it been since you've spoken?)  


Asriel gets to his feet and turns to the barrier. You follow suit, staring at the barrier that has trapped all of monsterkind for so many long years, and together you smash it, just like you always wanted to. It's less dramatic than you thought it would be, somehow-just a flash of light and then it's gone, and an entire race has been freed.  


You don't reset, not this time (you're not sure you could, anyways, without the other human's determination.) This time, you just...let go. Your body is flickering like a ghost's already-you weren't meant to exist with this little of a SOUL, and you can feel the weariness returning to you, weighing you down. You whisper a quiet goodbye to the other human (and an apology for every time you've hurt them) and then to Asriel (tears are streaming down his cheeks, of course) and then you drift away. You don't have to fight, not anymore. You've done it. You've finally freed the monsters.  


Now, it's time to let go.


End file.
